SUBMIT TO MISS RUBY GULCH
(But not in a Fifty Shades of Grey way.)
We'd like to introduce our advice columnist, Miss Ruby Gulch. She's a good-looking gal du certain age who can lasso a steer, kill a rattlesnake with her bare hands, deliver a baby on the back seat of a taxi cab, do the mambo, speak French, brew beer, bake a cherry pie, accessorize, decorate a studio apartment so it looks a lot bigger than it is, and hum the entire William Tell overture from memory. A woman of many talents. And now she's here to listen to you, to understand, interpret, soothe, inspire, enrage, celebrate. So write to her about your troubles with in-laws, money, weird roommates, a country that's gone certifiably nuts, those sounds you hear in the wall late at night when you're trying to sleep, your grief about the one who got away, and your disappointment with the one you've got.
She'll answer them all, and publish a select few (unless you'd rather keep it private). All correspondence confidential, of course.
Write Miss Ruby at: firstname.lastname@example.org